Monday, November 24, 2008

The Ballad of The Duke as told by El Smokeador

Success, failure and ultimate success was the overriding theme of the weekend. When the idea of roasting a pig underground in Fort Worth was first proposed, I must say I was more than intrigued. As the week went on and word began to spread what would be happening at the residence of smokehopper, I was met with looks of suspicion and variations of "Why?"

The answer "We're cooking a the ground."

Arrived at Smokehopper's house at 5 on Friday, no tools in hand and the belief that it would take at least 3 to 4 hours for the hole to be dug.

We had decided that the future temporary resting place of the Duke needed to be 3ft deep, 5 ft long and about 3ft wide.
(The Hole)
The soil was soft that night my friends. One and a half hours later what has been called "the best hole in Fort Worth that night," was completed.
(El Smokeador, Smokehopper Y J. Smokeknee)
It was not an easy task, (to quote smokehopper, "Thats bullshit, there's no way anyone could dig to China") but we were finished for the night well before expected. A nice dinner of old fashioneds and steak awaited us. Thank you Silver Fox for accommodating a table of boisterous ditch diggers, minutes before closing nonetheless. You establishment is truly top notch. Call us.

El Smokeador arose before young Smokehopper the following morning. Things were slow moving, but the fire had to be started.
Fire started at 10am anticipating that the pig would be in the ground at Noon. Probably should have picked up a couple more bags of Big John's Wood (shameless plug, always use Big John's Wood), but being the first time, we didnt know. Shoveling the coals out of the pit was described as 1) hot as (various expletives), 2)at least 1,000,000 degrees kelvin 3)hotter than 1000 burning suns. We decided that it was somewhere between 1) and 2).
Pig went in around 12:45 and was covered in coals and dirt by 1pm. Smokehopper went to the football game, I took a much deserved shower. The next 13 hours would prove to be the most trying of the weekend. To quote Mike Rhyner's Petty Theft "The waaaaaaiiiiiting is the hardest part."
(Onions, New Potatoes, Carrots, Various Bell Peppers and Sweet Potatoes)

Original plan was to have the Duke out of the ground for the 20-30 attendees to enjoy at 9pm. Being the ornery sonofabitch that he was, the Duke was not ready to feed the masses.
Failure. At this point, much imbibing in local spirits had taken place and a decision needed to be made. Not many good decisions come from local spirits, but this time one did. I sent a close friend of young smokehopper who we knew would come through in a tight spot, to the store for "as many bags of charcoal as they f'ing have."
30 minutes later, we were back in business. At this point it should be pointed out that wood is preferred, but charcoal worked perfectly fine. Quantity is the biggest issue. The Duke was back in the ground leaving us with fear in our hearts and a pang in our stomachs. Tomorrow could not come soon enough.

With much trepidation, The Duke was removed from his temporary home at 11:30 Sunday morning.
As the layers upon layers of foil were removed, the smell told us we had done well. Without further ado, I give you.......The Duke.

Many many thanks to J. Smokeknee for guiding El Smokeador y Smokehopper through the weekend and providing your expertise in the way of the pig.

Smokehopper post to follow.

I should also add, we would love to hear from you in the comments section of each post. If you have a gmail account, you can comment. We would like input from everyone that has something to say.

~El Smokeador~

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rnp said...

what exactly did that whole pig cost? And how many pounds of meat did you end up with?

ray ray said...

So wait, the food wasn't ready and everyone starved?