Monday, July 20, 2009

Kanye West Burgers!*

*this post has nothing to do with Kanye West

I believe it was Burgers O'Shannasey who once pondered, "what makes a burger delicious?" Centuries later, men die daily trying to answer this hunger oriented puzzle. I too have attempted the feat, and after narrowly escaping with my mind intact, I have come up with a few theories:

1) The meat should be made of beef, and the buns of bread.
2) There should be plenty of extravagant TOPPINGS!

Yes ladies and gentlemen, the delicious secret to well eaten burgers is toppings. All sorts of them.

Anyway I had ample opportunity to test my theory a few weeks a go at the Dirk's road land, where we all had a pre-dove season fire roasted test run.

Thanks to the Pates, as always, for their generous hospitality.

Anyway, the drill here, which we do every weekend during dove season, is to cook one hot appetizer, and burgers with plenty of sides and stuff. People hunt and we listen to the football games. In all honesty, I love that place very much. It has become special deep in my heart, and in my burger belly.

I must say, the few fellas who cook at these functions, myself being one of them, have made remote outdoor burger entertaining into a SCIENCE. If anyone is wondering, I'm going to teach you the secret to our outdoor kitchen burger success. Here we go.

The List:

Before you wander off into a field with some charcoal and a hammer, you really need to take a lot of items with you. This list has evolved over the course of two years, and is quite valuable to me indeed. For the sake of science, and science only, I requisition (real word?) it to the internet.


Cheese, Crackers

Canned peppers

BBQ Sauce

Two large link sausages

Main Course:




Cheese (deli)



Red onion


Anaheim Peppers

Red Beer:

Tomato Juice



Plastic Cup






Zip locks


Lighter fluid

Hand wash

Cutting board

Knife for cutting veg

Extra Cheese knife


Trash bags


Paper towels


Mayo (ground chipotles)


Cheap Plastic Table

Paper plates

Plastic silverware

To be completely honest, there is a lot that goes on with the above list, and the food preparation, including charcoal maintenance (we use charcoal in a burnt out old gas grill), food prep, wine parings, shotgun safety, beer math, wizard lore, andrew bird, etc etc...and i simply dont have time to go over it. Red wine also needs to be on that list. Anyway suffice it to say that the list is excellent, and that this blog is evener more excellenter than the list, which as i said before was "quite excellent".

Here's where I cook:

Here is where I keep items which need to remain cold (a cooler), and a card table which has become my workspace, (thanks, masonicsmoke):

Here is me, with absolutely no distractions:

Anyway, we start the cooking with link sausage which is warmed over the coals, and sliced, served with cheddar cheese, Premium Saltine crackers, canned jalapeƱos, bbq sauce, and mustard. This is what happens when you put those things on one plate:

Next we move to the burgers, which begins with, as i said so long ago, extravagant toppings. This time i decided to go with roasted Anaheim peppers. i start by cutting off the tops and trying to get some seeds out, cover in vegetable oil, salt and pepper, and slow roast:


Anyway, you grill em up nice and try to get as much of the skin off as possible. Grilled peppers have a great flavor on burgers and its just crazy awesome. I love em! Ugh! what what what what what what what what what what!?!? ya.

Next, we cooked up some bacon:

By the way, if you are going to do this, with the foil and such, you need lots and lots of heat. I didnt realize and it took quite some time to get the bacon to crisp up. You know, just fyi.

Then we did some lettuce, tomatoes, onions, sliced avacado, etc ETC ETC! aka toppings!

The whole shebang:

(oh and yes......that is homemade ketchup, thanks for noticing, more to come on that later).

You then pretty much, grill up the burgers, with salt pepper and wortscehtcisircserre sauce. Add the deli cheese, (Lsmoke has demanded deli cut cheese his entire adult life for burgers so thats how it goes down, always some sort of pepper jack or some "non kraft single" cheese)

Rock and roll Nation!:

Psmoke Jams a DirksBurger

I'd like to thank everyone who was invited for coming, especially Kanye West, who unfortunately could not attend, and was not invited.

In other news, Epic Monster Post headed this way soon. I can feel its mamothicity from here. Its going to Be EPIC.

Sorry for the long delay...more posts soon


Neat song to listen to:
Osaka Loop Line by Discovey

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Anonymous said...

please explain more of this wizard lore...

Anonymous said...

Discovery sucks.