Oh Hatch Chile's

You bring me joy.

You Bring Me Joy from Zach Galifianakis

It is Hatch Chile season. Last night was my first foray into the greatness of the Hatch and I must say I am ashamed that I was not told about this neat little green pepper earlier. I have read about them for a couple years and did my studies (on my own time, MY OWN TIME) to figure out the proper way to cook these big little guys. This post might have a lot of consecutive contradictions. (This blog is not necessarily all about grammar). Here we go.

Do not confuse these peppers with Anaheim peppers like Smokehopper used in his Ranchburgers a couple posts back. The store last night had them right next to the Anaheims and a smart notsosmart Smokeador would have grabbed them. Luckily I am a smarter Smokeador. This is what they look like:

(Not my pic. Don't tell the site I took it from.)

It's imperative that you roast these bad boys on an open flame until you get a nice black char on the skin. I didn't take pics of the roasting process because I wasn't sure that this was going on the blogosphere. BUT, after you get a good char going put them in a big ziplock and immediately put them in the fridge so they can sweat. This really makes it easier to get the skin off (thanks Shag) and saves some time peeling.

(In the bag after the fridge)

It should be noted at this point that Smokehopper told me that I needed to take the seeds out. I didn't take the seed out and it ended up being kind of spicy and delicious. Next batch seeds will be removed and we will see what I like better. Probably going to be no seeds, but again, first foray into the Hatch Chile.

(Peeled and sliced for the blender)

I roasted about 6 last night and only used 4 for this chicken. Saved 2 for my eggs this morning and they were glorious. Anyway, after they were peeled I threw them in the blender with some olive oil and tried to blend it up into a nice paste. Long story short, I didn't have enough in there for it to blend properly and I ended up with mostly more chopped not chopped peppers in the blender. Poured them back on a cutting board and went to town with a large knife.

Had a nice bowl of fresh crushed peppercorns and crushed pink Hawaiian sea salt and mixed it all up into a nice salsa'y, pasty kind of substance.

(Peppers on top of salt and pepper)

(Mixed up real good not good)*

I had three chicken breasts that I halved and put on foil on a cookie sheet. This blog should not be about putting chicken on cookie sheets but I just made it that way. So it is now I guess. More to come on that.

(Salsa'y substance applied to chicken)

Left it alone in the oven for 45 minutes on 350 and checked periodically. Ovens. I know. I am not impressed either.

Finshed product:

(Still on said cookie sheet)

(With a salad too because we all need our greens)

All said, this was a fantastic meal. I can't wait to dive in feet first into more uses for these awesome peppers. I have been experimenting with different kinds of chicken in the oven lately. Made a chipotle meco pepper baste a couple weeks ago that was fantastic as well. It is probably reasonably but not very ideal to make lots of chicken in the oven with various types of stuff on top of it. I still have a few of these peppers left and will probably buy more to maybe dry out for a brisket rub later in the year. I don't know if we'll have enough time. Anyway, it was good and you should all head to Pendery's to get some spices, and New Mexico for some Hatch Chile's and make some stuff. Good, old fashioned stuff.

Here are some tunes you need to check out too.

The Very Best - Warm Heart of Africa

The Avett Brothers - Incomplete and Insecure

The Avett Brothers - The Perfect Space

Throw Me the Statue - Hi-Fi Goon

Girls - Hellhole Ratrace

Panda Bear - Bros

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zero's - Home

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zero's - Janglin

Patton Oswalt - Rats

Eels - That Look You Gave That Guy

and

All of Phoenix's "Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix" Its great.

~El Smokeador~

*Real good not good is henceforth a copyrighted term to only be used by El Smokeador y Smokehopper.

This ain't your daddy's egg

Woke up at the crack of 11:30 Saturday morning with a stone cold craving of some eggs and toast. Went to the store and picked up the only eggs one should buy, Henderson Valley Eggs (youre gonna love their eggs!). I read somewhere (read: nowhere) that there was such a creation that fuses the delicious goodness of a fried egg with toast making egoast? Still working on the name. It's been called a birds nest egg, eggs and toast, fried egg and toast but for the purpose of this blog post we will call it......."Toast with egg in the middle." Inspired I know, but that is why I am head writer for helpmenamethings.com. Head writer of a made up website that has never been googled in the history of Al Gore's internet is not a lucrative position, but I digress. Eggs.

Toast with egg in the middle is extremely easy to make and is pretty self explanatory, but I have step by step directions in case Psmoke is reading.

These are things you should buy. Butter, bread, eggs, and some Sriracha hot sauce. Cigar box not necessary but suggested.

You gotta put butter on the breads and toast it in the pan. I would show you a picture of buttering the breads, but like many things this blog is not about, this blog is not about buttering bread.

Get a glass like this.

Use said glass to cut holes in your TOASTED breads. The s on the end of bread is necessary when making toast with eggs in the middle.

This is how big the hole should be.

Crack an egg and pour it directly into the hole on medium high heat. Since the breads are already toasted, if you get the heat too high it will burn. Figure that out.

(one of these turned out better than the other, guess which one)

Add a little Sriracha to the egg-whites and let those eggs cook.

The middles of the toasted breads are fun little treats that you can add jelly too and eat with your mouth.

Flip the toast with eggs in the middle.

The finished product wasn't that pretty this time. I was pretty hungry and turned the heat up to finish it up quicker. Nonetheless, eggs with toast on the outside (TWIST!) are the epitome of tasty american breakfast foods.

Alight, I just looked at the real big picture and they really do look gross. While I am a master burger maker I am not a pretty breakfast cooker. I do not wear a funny hat so I dont think things always have to look good for them to be delicious. That said, if anyone would like to provide Smokehopper and myself with funny hats, we will wear them and work on dressing things up a bit.

Update:  These look a lot better.

~El Smokeador~

The Best Cheeseburger in Comanche, TX.

Throughout the annals of time it has been said that the "Juicy Lucy" is the most groundbreaking edible creation in the history of mankind.  Thank you for saying that, but I must admit, this is not my creation.  Look, I know I make good burgers, but all I did was modify the recipe.  The accolades are flattering, and I thank you but please stop.  I am not a master burger maker.*

The juicy lucy's beginnings are debated on the interwebs frequently, and I dont think that anyone has pinpointed the exact beginning (although I lean toward the Minnesota origins). Smokehopper wanted to call the burgers I make the "Ruthluth Rufus" but that is not the name. I think that "Oozy Suzy" is a lot more fitting.  A true juicy lucy is two paddies with cheese in between them, kind of hidden but you know its there if you are making it yourself.  My burger has more of a hidden cheese explosion that catches you off guard in a ridiculous manner. Such is the nature of the "Oozy Suzy."

It starts where so many good recipes start, chopped garlic and jalps.

Bought some Colby Jack cheese and cubed it up.  We had some leftover cheddar and used that as well.  It needs to be noted and I cannot emphasize this enough, do not use velveeta.  It cooks through the burger and ends up entirely in the fire and makes a mostly hell of a mess.  Do it if you don't believe me, but El Smokeador is not available for grill cleanings.  He and smokehopper are available for birthdays, weddings and other gatherings (blogging in the 3rd person ftw).  Tell your friends.

Poor planning on my part left us without Worcheshire sauce.  Luckily La Hacienda de Smokehopper had Worcheshire powder and some vinegar so we made our own sauce.

Work the sauce into the meat evenly.  It will turn the meat brownish, but you should know that.

Add in the cubed cheese, jalps and garlic.  Add pepper and salt accordingly.

Make a bunch of paddies for your guests.  We had about 12.  I think we had 4lbs of meat, so do THAT math.

They dont need much time on the grill, but if you can't tell how long to cook a burger for you should figure that part out first.  This blog is not for telling time.

This is what the finished product should look like.  Not every bite is going to have cheese, but if you do it right, there should be enough.

Smokenor for the sake of blogosphere greatness.

We devoured the burgers like we were famished from slaying Van Helsing. Bwah ha ha ha.

There will be future blog posts from the same weekend and other great things we did (we were great).  

At this time I would like to announce that Smokehopper and myself made a deal with the internet.  If you use this recipe, please paypal $.75 to paymemyblogmoney@gmail.com.**

~El Smokeador~

* I am a master burgermaker

** Please don't send money to that email, its not real.

I Was Wrong

This blog is in fact about boiling water.

Step 1) water in tea kettle


Step 2) put kettle on stove


Step 3) whistle blows, water is ready

Ribs and Pheasant today. Post tomorrow. If you know where I live, come on over whenever.

Winter Blast 2009

Be safe dear readers, tonight we will suffer through the worst storm since Winter Blast 2008. As of 7pm this evening the freezing rain has begun and without fail tomorrow work will be cancelled. All because of a thin sheet of ice that will no doubt melt by noon. Enjoy the time off. Tonight, for the sake of content, I made marinara sauce and angel hair pasta in honor of................ Chef Boyar G's.

That's from a throwaway sketch from this season of SNL. It has gotten progressively better as the weeks go on, eventually reaching this season's highlight, Gilley. But that is for another post. There will be several updates over the next couple of weeks as the Superbowl is this weekend and there will be much smoking of meats, especially ribs. I might do a brisket for good measure as well. We will have to see. Onto the marinara.

Ingredients:

(not pictured: Roma tomatoes and pasta)

Steps:

1) Halve 6 Roma tomatoes and cover them in olive oil, salt and pepper. Dont use too much olive oil unless you REALLY like olive oil, then do as you must. Roast tomatoes in oven for 1 hour at 375.

2) Chop 2 smallish white onions (I bought mine in a bag of 6 at the local grocer), 2 cloves of garlic and half a small container of portabella muhrooms.

3) With 15 minutes to go on the tomatoes, add chopped onions to 2 tablespoons of heated olive oil and cook (on medium high heat) until yellowish brown. Add sea salt as you go but not much. About a teaspoon will suffice.

4) After the onions are that yellowish brown stir in the garlic and cook for a few minutes.

5) Once you can smell the deliciousness of the onions and garlic, only a few minutes, stir in your chopped mushrooms, crushed red pepper (a bigger than small pinch) and cover on medium heat.

6) When the tomatoes have had a chance to cool down a bit, throw them in a blender and blend until you have a nice sauce. Six Roma's should give you about 2 cups of sauce. I like to use about 3 cups of sauce in my marinara, but this will be fine. Do the math yourself.

7) Once the tomatoes are sauced, add them to the onions, garlic and mushrooms. Cut up one small hand fulls of chopped fresh parsley and add to the sauce. I also added a couple turns of the pepper cracker, but only because I got some new peppercorns from Pendrey's and wanted to use it. Stir it up real good and cover on medium heat.

8) Add pasta to boiling water and wait. I used angel hair, but you can do what you want. This blog is not intended to tell you how to boil water or what boiled water looks like, so there will be no picture for this step.

9) Continue to stir sauce until it has reduced a little and has more of a red tint to it. Repeat.

10) After about 45 minutes your sauce should be good and ready. Strain your pasta and add to sauce for 5 or 10 more minutes on the medium heat.

Put it on your plate and eat. Let it cool a bit or you will burn your mouth. That is it.

Ribs are coming.